So there goes another year. And boy are they just going faster and faster. My room mate kicked me out of the house today so her boyfriend (he's 70, she's 50) can bring in the new year. No worries though, M is off with his cousins, and I'm going to have a glass or two (or a bottle or two) with my good friend A.
This year has certainly seen a grand clearing out of my life's detrius (is that the right word I wonder?). And of course the beginnings of a life I've wanted for longer than I can imagine. I just read an article on reuters (I'm kind of a news junkie, though only for research purposes..lol) that 2012 was going to be the year of the artist-entrepreneur. I sure hope so. I know so many artists of so many stripes who'd do so much good if they could just do what they do. Someday soon. Maybe we need to start Occupy Art...:)
I also just received an email from The Living Room. This is the first year in the last 6 that I haven't participated in the christmas luncheon in some form or another. That's another someday soon. That's my heart's cause, and one I look forward to helping again.
I don't know of course what the next year will bring. The evolution of a species? Goddess, I do hope so. We need some evolution like we need some revolution. People need to find their voices again, to speak out, to speak the word.
My intention for the new year (a much better thing than a resolution I think) is to speak the word. To speak the L word each and every chance I get. To think of all the energy I love in this world and speak it All. And whether you return, and there really is a happily ever after to some love stories, or whether new Loves are right around the corner, waiting for me - Love there will be in abundance, in profusion in 2012. Of that I am 100% certain.
I hope you are all surrounded by light tonight as you 'bring in the new year' as we say in Scotland. It's Hogmany there...when first footers show up at your door at 1 minute past midnight with a lump of coal (so the house will be warm), some shortbread (so the house will have food), and a coin (so the house will have money). I like that tradition, and Hogmany is definitely the national holiday there. Lots of whiskey, and good times. Hallefuckinleujah!
Here's to 2012 - A year to meet my destiny perhaps? One just never knows...;)
See you then..
Alice
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
And Showing Up
Happy Christmas Eve All!
Not that I am into celebrating Christmas perse, either the religious holiday or the marketing one, but it seems the most inocuous of greetings at this time.
It is a special time of the year, and perhaps it's only me, but it does seem that this year has changed almost all the dynamics in my life, including those surrounding the holidays. For the first time since I was a kid, I feel as though I feel the energy of this moment rather than struggling desperately to feel some outer joy that just wasn't real.
I just got done talking to both my sister and my niece back home in S. My sister and I have arranged a phone call for tomorrow so my son (who's now 16 1/2) can talk to his aunt and cousins back in the home country. I've had a number of homes so far, but can I tell you how I'm hoping the next one will be one of more lasting quality than some in the past have been? I've been gone for almost 20 years, with very little communication. No big dysfunctional family drama, just lives drifted apart on different paths. I've been revisiting experiences all over my life, and continue to be surprised at the loving acceptance I am experiencing now, even in situations that would never have seemed based in love at all. I love catching up with my niece, who's so like me, who seems to be absolutely without a drum to bang in the world.
Healings are happening, and it seems that some things perhaps require no healing at all. I have expected in days past to hear from you somehow. Just a feeling, a feeling I usually get right before you make your next appearance in my life. It would be wonderful, I can't possibly deny it....nor do I want to. Nor should I have to at this point. That it is the biggest wish beating in my heart this season is without doubt. How's that song go...the one they've been playing on the radio for weeks...day in and day out....
I don't want a lot for christmas...there is just one thing I need.....
But it's been an excellent time so far, though disjointed and up and down as ever. M is out with his dad, making up for lost time for both of them, and I sit here contented (for the most part), eating cookies and finishing up L's secret santa drawing. I'm looking forward to tomorrow for the first time in the longest time, and find myself strangely optimistic about the future....
Not that I am into celebrating Christmas perse, either the religious holiday or the marketing one, but it seems the most inocuous of greetings at this time.
It is a special time of the year, and perhaps it's only me, but it does seem that this year has changed almost all the dynamics in my life, including those surrounding the holidays. For the first time since I was a kid, I feel as though I feel the energy of this moment rather than struggling desperately to feel some outer joy that just wasn't real.
I just got done talking to both my sister and my niece back home in S. My sister and I have arranged a phone call for tomorrow so my son (who's now 16 1/2) can talk to his aunt and cousins back in the home country. I've had a number of homes so far, but can I tell you how I'm hoping the next one will be one of more lasting quality than some in the past have been? I've been gone for almost 20 years, with very little communication. No big dysfunctional family drama, just lives drifted apart on different paths. I've been revisiting experiences all over my life, and continue to be surprised at the loving acceptance I am experiencing now, even in situations that would never have seemed based in love at all. I love catching up with my niece, who's so like me, who seems to be absolutely without a drum to bang in the world.
Healings are happening, and it seems that some things perhaps require no healing at all. I have expected in days past to hear from you somehow. Just a feeling, a feeling I usually get right before you make your next appearance in my life. It would be wonderful, I can't possibly deny it....nor do I want to. Nor should I have to at this point. That it is the biggest wish beating in my heart this season is without doubt. How's that song go...the one they've been playing on the radio for weeks...day in and day out....
I don't want a lot for christmas...there is just one thing I need.....
But it's been an excellent time so far, though disjointed and up and down as ever. M is out with his dad, making up for lost time for both of them, and I sit here contented (for the most part), eating cookies and finishing up L's secret santa drawing. I'm looking forward to tomorrow for the first time in the longest time, and find myself strangely optimistic about the future....
Friday, December 23, 2011
December 23 2011 - The Flowering Of The Tree Of Life
Setting The Scene and Introducing The Characters.
Hi, my name is Alice. Of course, that's not the name I was given, but it's the one I've given myself, and here at the beginning of our acquaintance, I feel quite entitled to decide who I am. I'm sure you'll form your own opinion of me as we go along this path together, though, I have to admit to hoping for the transient veil of anonymity to allow me all the freedom I need to share who I really am with you. Maybe one day you'll feel moved to share who you really are with me in return.
I have blogs in other places, profiles here, there and around, but nothing that can be easily linked to the me behind this screen, so in theory at least, complete nakedness (in all different manners) should be possible. Technically, I'm a stranger. But maybe not for long. Certainly, if this sudden and unexpected opportunity is what I expect it to be, it will be a brand new attempt to communicate honestly with whoever might be listening.
I'm unattached, female, beautiful, aware, open. I have never been married, and honestly can't imagine ever being so, though certainly I also believe that the best domestic partnerships in the world should begin and end with negotiation and a written contract. But that is me and mine, and I'm sure you'll hear my views on all manner of subjects before too long. I am bisexual, submissive, and of course quite capable of kicking your ass if you get out of line. I am without doubt a lady, perhaps even a goddess, with the definite heart of a whore for the chosen few;)
I love romance (though please not in fiction), I love passion, I love those who can ride the heights and the depths and get as much out of one as the other. Tepid I am not, though I am gentlest and most caring of company. I enjoy serving and being served - though my past years experience have been service of a different kind.
Once I lived with a man I called Sir. He told me once that he was my Master and I was his slave, and we went from there. He is younger than I am, now in his 30s and who knows where. He was the beginning of so many things for me, though I was on a path I'd already taken my own private steps on before we ever met. Our relationship was intense and immediate, and our interactions continued in sporadic bursts since then. I have never met anyone who I have shared the same intensity of feeling with, and I believe I have been as open to the possibility of feeling it with someone other than him since I saw him last than I have ever been, and yet still....still...
And still I feel that I belong to him. Now, more than ever, I crave the feeling of being on my knees for him, of offering my submission to him again, in honesty and with an open heart this time, instead of on some fake premise I didn't even understand. And when I fantasize, in my bed, late at night in front of the computer, it's his face, and his voice, and his hands that are still with me. How do you change your deepest fantasy just because it hasn't been realized. I can't take him out of that picture, can't replace him with another guy, another hot body, another commanding voice. Because those parts of the fantasy existed long before he made them physical, and they are still as powerful today as ever. Perhaps because we enacted so little in reality, those fantasies now have definition, and goddamn it, now I know what I want. Now I know who I am, who is the I who offers these parts of herself?
Am I the sweet submissive thing, naked on her knees, legs spread, hands behind her back and eyes downcast, waiting for your approval?
Am I the contracted sex slave, waiting for your pleasure at your whim, whatever that pleasure might be?
Am I the hungry, needy whore down on her knees, waiting for you to force your cock down her throat, making her gag?
Am I the sweet little daddy's girl, ripe for education and discipline?
Am I the writer, who writes these naughty things for you to read, someday maybe. If you somehow stumble upon them, and something rings a bell, perhaps you'll think of me.
And those fantasy you's? In your suit and tie...in your leathers....either way....you exist in those places I go in my mind while my hands are busy at my pussy. It's been so long since playing with myself has been any kind of a preoccupation, but just lately, it seems a running theme...:)
I've taken to cruising spanking sites, and have isolated domestic discipline and ageplay as being my definite turnons. I know that devillish 14 year old princess inside who's just waiting for daddy to come for her and take her home. I didn't have a corporal punishment childhood, so all the usual childhood punishments for me have nothing but positive connotations, and I can say with some certainty that a household run on traditional values (interspersed with open deviance of course) is my ideal living situation.
Vanilla I am not..:)
I live in Northern California, in the Redwoods, and I'm a writer and artist. Way out there spiritually, absolutely deviant sexually, and open to friendly conversation with all, feel free to contact me if you've a mind too.
Perhaps we can be friends?
Happy days!
Alice
Hi, my name is Alice. Of course, that's not the name I was given, but it's the one I've given myself, and here at the beginning of our acquaintance, I feel quite entitled to decide who I am. I'm sure you'll form your own opinion of me as we go along this path together, though, I have to admit to hoping for the transient veil of anonymity to allow me all the freedom I need to share who I really am with you. Maybe one day you'll feel moved to share who you really are with me in return.
I have blogs in other places, profiles here, there and around, but nothing that can be easily linked to the me behind this screen, so in theory at least, complete nakedness (in all different manners) should be possible. Technically, I'm a stranger. But maybe not for long. Certainly, if this sudden and unexpected opportunity is what I expect it to be, it will be a brand new attempt to communicate honestly with whoever might be listening.
I'm unattached, female, beautiful, aware, open. I have never been married, and honestly can't imagine ever being so, though certainly I also believe that the best domestic partnerships in the world should begin and end with negotiation and a written contract. But that is me and mine, and I'm sure you'll hear my views on all manner of subjects before too long. I am bisexual, submissive, and of course quite capable of kicking your ass if you get out of line. I am without doubt a lady, perhaps even a goddess, with the definite heart of a whore for the chosen few;)
I love romance (though please not in fiction), I love passion, I love those who can ride the heights and the depths and get as much out of one as the other. Tepid I am not, though I am gentlest and most caring of company. I enjoy serving and being served - though my past years experience have been service of a different kind.
Once I lived with a man I called Sir. He told me once that he was my Master and I was his slave, and we went from there. He is younger than I am, now in his 30s and who knows where. He was the beginning of so many things for me, though I was on a path I'd already taken my own private steps on before we ever met. Our relationship was intense and immediate, and our interactions continued in sporadic bursts since then. I have never met anyone who I have shared the same intensity of feeling with, and I believe I have been as open to the possibility of feeling it with someone other than him since I saw him last than I have ever been, and yet still....still...
And still I feel that I belong to him. Now, more than ever, I crave the feeling of being on my knees for him, of offering my submission to him again, in honesty and with an open heart this time, instead of on some fake premise I didn't even understand. And when I fantasize, in my bed, late at night in front of the computer, it's his face, and his voice, and his hands that are still with me. How do you change your deepest fantasy just because it hasn't been realized. I can't take him out of that picture, can't replace him with another guy, another hot body, another commanding voice. Because those parts of the fantasy existed long before he made them physical, and they are still as powerful today as ever. Perhaps because we enacted so little in reality, those fantasies now have definition, and goddamn it, now I know what I want. Now I know who I am, who is the I who offers these parts of herself?
Am I the sweet submissive thing, naked on her knees, legs spread, hands behind her back and eyes downcast, waiting for your approval?
Am I the contracted sex slave, waiting for your pleasure at your whim, whatever that pleasure might be?
Am I the hungry, needy whore down on her knees, waiting for you to force your cock down her throat, making her gag?
Am I the sweet little daddy's girl, ripe for education and discipline?
Am I the writer, who writes these naughty things for you to read, someday maybe. If you somehow stumble upon them, and something rings a bell, perhaps you'll think of me.
And those fantasy you's? In your suit and tie...in your leathers....either way....you exist in those places I go in my mind while my hands are busy at my pussy. It's been so long since playing with myself has been any kind of a preoccupation, but just lately, it seems a running theme...:)
I've taken to cruising spanking sites, and have isolated domestic discipline and ageplay as being my definite turnons. I know that devillish 14 year old princess inside who's just waiting for daddy to come for her and take her home. I didn't have a corporal punishment childhood, so all the usual childhood punishments for me have nothing but positive connotations, and I can say with some certainty that a household run on traditional values (interspersed with open deviance of course) is my ideal living situation.
Vanilla I am not..:)
I live in Northern California, in the Redwoods, and I'm a writer and artist. Way out there spiritually, absolutely deviant sexually, and open to friendly conversation with all, feel free to contact me if you've a mind too.
Perhaps we can be friends?
Happy days!
Alice
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)